I’m Selfish & I’m OK


Fear of Judgement & Its Blessing

Last week, I went to a three-day workshop in Melbourne. It was a struggle to get all the logistics worked out so that I could leave my two children for four days while my husband was busy trying to re-sow our farm crops.

I was exhausted by the time I checked into my accommodation. Organising the family. Packing. Driving through slow moving Melbourne traffic.

The workshop was called Awaken Your Impact by Rachel Jane Groover. I’d seen Rachel Jane online a few times, so when a friend offered me a ticket to the event, I jumped at it.

And I am so glad I did. I had a fabulous three days. There were times of intense sadness and times of such joy and connection. I was able to process some deep stuff.

One of the activities we did was to look at how fear of judgement might be holding us back.

Imagine someone you know has written a post about you on Facebook. What is the worst thing they could say about you? If there was just one word that would just cut you so much that you would bleed emotionally for days, what would it be?

For some of the other participants it was egotistical, self-obsessed, arrogant, boring.

For me it was selfish.

The challenge is to embrace the word you fear. To look at the word, such as selfish, and see how it can be a positive in your life.

For me, selfish, is a word that does cut me. I want to be selfless and loving. At the same time, I’ve always had a strong desire to do exactly what I want, when I want. Being selfish is a lot harder since being a parent, but I still manage to do a lot of what I want to do. (I’m definitely no matyr-mother.)

Selfishness came up for me at the workshop particularly because I felt guilty that I was away in Melbourne having a good time while my husband was at home trying to sow crops on our farm that would provide an income for our family while juggling the care of our four-year old son.

And here I was swanning around, indulging in personal development.

In embracing this selfish aspect of myself, I needed to look at the benefits of being selfish.

Here’s what I came up with, in being selfish:

  • I was showing my children that not only are my needs important, but also that their needs are too
  • I can achieve more when I follow my passions and needs
  • I can give more to those I love when my tank is full
  • I am more fun and joyous when I am doing what I want

I am sure there are more positive aspects of being selfish.

When we embrace the judgements we fear from others, the power goes out of those judgements. So what if someone calls me selfish? It’s true, I am selfish. And that’s ok. There is a power in my being selfish. There are things I will achieve in my lifetime, that I wouldn’t if I wasn’t selfish.

And by fully owning this aspect of myself I feared others would judge me as, their judgement loses its power over me.

My partner in this exercise during the workshop was a stunning young woman who feared being judged as arrogant and self-obsessed. She had big dreams and to achieve those dreams, she would need to call on her strong belief in herself and to really focus on what she wanted to do. Without these qualities, she might not be able to go for her dreams and make them a reality.


What’s the judgement you fear most from others?

What’s that one word that feels so painful when you imagine someone you admire or love calling you that?

Now ask yourself, how does that word serve you?

If you fully embraced being that thing, what would it mean for your life?


I'd love to know what you fear and what the positives are! Please comment below.

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